Psychology 312 Journal #4
This is the fourth and last journal entry that I wrote for my Infant and Child development class. In observing my sister’s 4 and 8 year old little girl and boy play in the park, I listened and watched them play in different activities. The eight year old was more at ease at mastering tasks on his own compared to my sister’s four year old daughter. He went and started swinging under my sister’s gaze, as she played with her daughter. Her daughter greatly enjoyed going down the slide, and playing in the sand box with my sister Sherry. The entire time we were there my sister never took her eye off of either one of them, unless there was another supervised adult in the presence. Both of my sisters children know the rule of never talking to strangers. My sister’s little boy watches devotedly over his sister. He likes to aggravate her every time I see them. He takes things such as her toys and runs off with them. Of course, this provokes a chase scene between the two children. My sister’s little boy is already showing signs of knowing that he is bigger, stronger, and faster than his sister. He runs much faster than she does during their chase scenes. He knows that he can out run her quickly. Many times my sister Sherry has to tell him to stop what he is doing, and give Abbie her stuff back immediately. Most of the time he listens and stops right that moment. Other times he is not as obedient to my sister Sherry’s authoritative parenting style. Both of the children show gender differences in the way they behave. The little boy enjoys watching violent cartoons, and believes that he can do things that he sees on television. His sister models more realistic behavior in her pretend play. She seems quite mature for her age. However, I do not believe that she has the skills to fully reason using logic. I find it very funny because her brother is supposed to be the big brave boy, and he does not exhibit these traits when my toy poodle Bear jumps onhim. He runs and is like down Bear. He raises the volume of his voice much louder, than his sister Abbie does when telling Bear to get down. Abbie loves picking Bear up, and carrying him around her Mawmaw’s house. She uses behavior and actions of real life people who are on television, compared with her little boy who uses both realistic and fantasy to make up his play style. He is much more wild and adventurous, than his sister is with exploring the world. She is much more reserved around strangers, and will not say a word to most people that she does not know. Her little boy on the other hand is not afraid to look at someone, and point them out to his mother or father. At this age he is much more likely to exhibit behavior making immature jokes, such as potty jokes. He thinks that is amazing that he has flatulated, and must share it with everyone around him. His little sister finds this behavior gross. His little sister enjoys being pretty, and pretending that she is a princess. She is in love with Taylor Swift, and sings the song “Love Story” all of the time. She can be extremely shy at times, but when she does not notice anyone watching her with her mommy she can be quite demanding. My sister’s little boy is also still quite attached with her. When she is trying to do something for another adult he often becomes clingy. He wants to have her attention. My sister’s little girl has not gotten to the age where she notices that I have a vision problem. However, my sister’s little boy believes that he can get away with stuff in front of me. He finds it amazing when I know when he is misbehaving. He doesn’t think that I can see it; however I know my sister’s children well enough to know his personality. All of my sister’s children are extremely silly. However, I do not see her little girl who is twelve that often. She is at the point where she is becoming a true adolescent. She devotes much of her time to herself. She has gotten to the age where my sister and her husband have started letting her stay at home by herself. Many people would not believe that this is a safe idea; however my sister Sherry makes sure to call and check up on her. She loves talking on the phone, and playing on the internet. She is at that stage in development where she is more absorbed in the world around her. She enjoys playing games on the computer. She plays more cognitive based games, rather than pretend play games. She is at that point where she is starting to notice the opposite sex. She has a little boyfriend who she talks to frequently.

Psychology 312 Journal #3
This is the third journal entry I wrote for my Infant and Child development class. Oobie Zoobie which premiers on Nickelodian. Pro-Social Acts. Hi I’m Bob and I’m Jill and we are so happy that you are here. If you se abutterfly yell butterfly Activity find the butterfly on the screen Butterfly! You found one! He’s flying away let’s follow him. Hey look! The little butterfly found some friends. How many are there are? Looking at the screen you find thre. They watch the butterfly. The butterfly is trying to get nectar from the flower. The little butterfly can not get any nectar. oOObie Zoobie flys in and gives the butterfly some nectar. It sounds like someone needs our help. When in the land of Zoobie we always provide help to anyone who needs it. I really need your help! What’s the problem Samantha? I am here with my babysittter and I can not get my favorite snack. Don’t worry Samantha we will get your favorite snack. We need your help. Will you help us get Samantha’s yogurt? You’re watching Ooobie Zoobie and you are now a Zoobie friend! Thanks for your help! Scene where they start singing about the butterfly and super shapes. Sky scrapers, taxis, and other transportation is seen. Let’s see your mighty man power. Count down with me! 5-4-3-2-1 Team Oobie Zoobie ready for action! Let’s go get that fruit and yogurt! We can get it at the super market! Calling OObie Zoobie car come and get us! Okay team seat belts on. To make our OObie tem the best say Oobie Zoobie! Hold on to your helmets! Here we are at the super market. The door is closed how do we get in? The door is automatic Jilljust walk in. Wow super markets are so awesome! Look at the size of the super market. It is so big. We need to find the furit and yogurt to deliver Samantha’s snack. Let’s put our bouncy shoes on. Okay team we have to find the yogurt really quick Yogurt is in aise #3. Where is asile 3? Over there thanks! Come on team let’s go! Freezing! This must be the frozen food case. Watch out the ice is very slippery. Magic extendo! Nice move Jill! Wee! Ooobierific! We made it to the yogurt aisle, What is Samantha’s favorite type of yogurt. Hey we are at the super market what does your yogurt look like? Please hurry I am getting really hungry. Looking for the right type of yogurt. Look at this yogurt container what shapes are on it? A rectangle with a triangle in it. We are looking for a heart inside a square. Looking at different types of yogurt containers and the shapes on them This is Samantha’s favorite yogurt. Good job friend this is Samantha’s favorite yogurt. This yogurt’s heavy we need something to carry it in. I know we can make a grocery cart out of all of my shapes! What shapes go here? Rectangles! What shapes go here? Circles! Now sing super shapes! Wow look what we built together a super shopping cart. What a good job friend! Now what do we need? Fruit! To the furit section! Samantha we found your favorite yogurt. Now we just need to know what type of fruit you need. One small bannanna and blueberries. Wee! Jill? Bob? Here we are! No bananas here we have to keep looking. Which fruit is red and round? The apples right! There you are. Any luck finding bananas? Nope let’s keep looking. No Bananas here either. We need your help say bananas. Gives child time to look for the bananas. Arms extendo! I’ve got banans! I can measure those banas grow with my pony tail. To make my pony tail grow sing. Let’s see how long the banans is count with me! 1-2-3-4 this banan is 4 units long. Starts counting different units sizes on the bananas. Finds one small banana. Okay team now we need 8 blueberries. Blueberries coming up follow me! Wee Wee Wee! I’ve got some blueberries! Me too! Let’s see how many blueberries we have all together. Team count with me 1-2-3-4-5-6. I have 6 blueberries. I havfe two more. How many do we have? 6_+2=8! We have everything we need for Samantha’s snack! Don’t worry Samantha we are on our way! Good I really am hungry. Let’s all sing a super market song! Singing super market song now. Showing images of the grocery store. Includes a counting activity. Check out machine ready to check out. This check out machine tells us how much our groceries are. Your total is $5.00. I know I have some Oobie dollars somewhere. Count the Oobie dollars.We have $3 and the food costs $5 Do we have enough for the food? No we do not. Looks in his pocket and finds two more dollars. We have $3+$2. How much money do we have now? Right $5 Oobie dollars! Let’s go! To the car! Seatbelts on. Let’s get that hungry little girl her snack! Look it’s Samantha! Hold on to your helmets! We have everything that you wanted to eat. Let’s spend time with Samantha while she eats her snack. Here’s the yogurt, one small banana, and now the blueberries! Thank you so much for getting me my snack. I knew I could count on you Oobie Zoobie. We have a great tieam. We made our friend Samantha so happy. I feel a celebration coming on! Another OObie Zoobie song with words and numbers. Team OObie Zoobie way to go! Hey OObie Zoobie friend you are awfully good at Math. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, which now premiers on ABC Family at 2 P.M. on week days. Pro-social Acts. Oh okay I have a picture of fay me and a picture of me. The first word is family! Sabrina we have good news and bad news. The bad news is we are going to go to a family reunion. The good news is that is in Hawaii. I wonder what it looks like. Magically waves a finger and says let’s see. I know not to bring rain boots! I will put a doctor Doolittle sspell on Harvey. That’s my room. Your room is through there. I get my own room? This is the best family reunion vacation ever! I am the Goddess of the volcano. I am here to give you the last clue to the Spellman family secret. It is it on fire? No. I lose more clues that way. Well I will just take these two things and ponder over them with a burger and fries. No you can not do anything until you solve the family secret. I wish there was a Terminator or Robotech movie on. You and you’re my Best Friend’s Wedding. Hey! I said it had it’s moments! Now here comes Uncle Harvey with Ruby. I don’t know what he sees in her. However, you need to compliment her on her weight loss. Sabrina please come home we need help! Hey Salem what did the doctor say? He said to get a card board box and put it in the living room. Hey that’s Mrs.’s Kinkle. I gotta go. You haven’t helped Lola. Sabrina does a spell to go and make the cat have her babies Sabrina figures out that she has a twin named Katrina I can’t believe I have a twin! This is really good news in case either one of us ever needs a kidney. Katrina lives in Wisconsin in a house just like ours. Everyone starts dancing and performing magic with La Vida Loca playing. I had such a good time yesterday with Katrina. I can’t believe that we are not sisters. Sit down Sabrina we have to tell you that your twin is evil. All of our twins are evil. No way! She can’t be evil! Wait maybe I’m the evil witch. Trial to decide whether Sabrina or Katrina is the evil twin. Sabrina pay attention to the question! Katrina what do you want to be when you grow up? Well I like people and I want to help them and I like animals as well. SO maybe I’ll be a social worker. This point goes to Sabrina! More magic is performed to show a live video screen of the twins. Dressing Harvey was good magic! He looked like a dork before that! Reviewing both girls magic. Now we will review Katrina’s magic use. Shows the spells that Katrina has performed in the past. I knew I should have learned to cook! I believe those children were being read to by her. Both twin has a point in their favor. I want each girl to tell the tribunal to tell the committee how you have used your magic for good. Court’s adjourned time to limbo! I have a bigger head ahce than Uncle Danny after he’s been drinking. Hello. Sabrina we need you here now Harvey ’s mom is pregnanct and in labor. You need to get here they listened to her stomach and hear a heart beat and purring. Put her head up to the nearest warmest animal. Relax mom they’ll stick a needle in your spine and you’ll feel all better! Sabrina points and performs magic. Is this what I think it is? Yes it’s barbecue sauce. We had ribs for lunch. Sabrina points her finger and performs magic again. Harvey bring me a nutrageous bar! I’m on it mom. Do you really think it’s appropriate to bring animlas into the delivery room I am going to tell how good I have done today at making Lola feel better. Wait didn’t you do it just to find out about the family secret? You’re right I am evil! Harvey I may not be able to see you again. Why? Because we are moving to Hawaii. No don’t go Sabrina I will miss you! Just because your spell was bad and outrageous and messy and involved civil disobedience it does not make you evil. Sabrina is deemed as evil. Why are we in a volcano? I thought I couldn’t live in the mortal realm. No you can’t live at all. Good luck with your future. Evil twins are thrown into the volcano. Why to prove that they are brave and to come back? No because volcano laba is the only thing that can destroy a witch. No good witch ever had the heart to do away with their twin. This proves that Katrina is the evil twin. Phone rings oh great my luck it will be a telmarkter. What’s that noise in the background? Oh it’s molten lava. Magic is performed to save Sabrina. Have you ever had volcano ash in your hair? No I’m afraid not. So what happened to Katrina? She went to live in the twin cities of the other realm. Sabrina is given her official witch’s license. It is the most powerful power. We have one more surprise for you Sabrina Oh my gosh your skirt is on fire! Sabrina puts it out with her magic. Aggressive Acts. Push Sabrina into the volcano. Katrina pushes her into the volcano. Katrina is seen pushing Sabrina into the volcano. Days of Our Lives, which airs on N.B.C. Monday-Friday at one o’clock. Aggressive Acts They said he is going to be okay. They stabilized him in the ambulance. He stumbled into the pub and was all bloody. Thank God your sister was there I have an iron clas alibi. You thought I was the one who was guilty, but that was misdirection. You were angry with Brady. Are you accusing me? I’m not accusing anyone I’m just saying. Who ever did this is good and has a lot of practice. The branding really scares me. What do you think it means? I don’t know, but whoever did this is trying to send a message. What happened? where’s Brady? Everyone is at the hospital after the tragedy occurs. Roman calls and tells Hope that there has been another mugging. Hope is having a horrible dream about herself performing the mugging. You don’t believe me do you? You believe him instead of me. I am going to find out exactly what happened. If you go near Nicole one more time I am going to break your fricking neck. Hey doc you’re right we’re a great team until I say so This isn’t getting any better soon. What was that? Nothing I said can’t wait to see you again. You’re not drinking Go to hell! Get out of here! Brady stumbled into the pub after being beaten and branded. Son of a bitch. If someone lied to you I am going to find them. I am going to make them pay. He made it all up I’m telling you right now! Some woman you couldn’t keep your hands off of. He said that? Yes I think so! I got confused and I didn’t know I am still confused. Why would Greg say something like that? I don’t know I can’t explain it. Well I can’t explain it either. Blood is dripping severely off of Brady. A frightened Nicole tries to take care of him while waiting for the paramedics. What he needs is me. Too bad you’ve been drinking. I wasn’t drinking she poured it on me! Everyone around the pub is talking about how Brady was mugged The ambulance shows up and a doctor starts taking care of him after a violent beating. The police and the doctor notice a scar branded into Brady’s chest. Neither one of them can stop looking at the mark on his chest. When that’s gone you’re gone got it? Two guys start playing a poker game very competitively. I can not wait to see what he remembers when he wakes up. I don’t think he is going to remember much after passing out from the branding. What do you think it means? That the muggings are getting to a more esculated point. I think you’re the one who hit him over the head and beat him. I would NEVER hurt him I love him. No please can we stay out of this mess? Take care don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Pro-Social Acts. Tell me about Paris , and everything that we are going to do. I want to hear your plans for us there. You can plan the entire thing. The entire thing? Well almost all of it. When you get off the plane you are going to be very jet lagged. It is better to take a long walk and see all of the sights. I’m not going anywhere someone I love is in there. I’m glad you told me that information. I am glad that you could confide in me. That’s not fair they’re bad reasons. You didn’t do anything wrong. Carly hasn’t done anything like that. She wouldn’t make up a rumor like that. We are going to figure this out, but you have to trust me on one thing. I love you with all of my heart. If you had done that you wouldn’t be my Phillip. You care about all of your friends and that’s why I love you. Everyone can feel like they trust you and that’s why I love you. Gold is worth more than ever before just ask Linden. I’m sorry sweetheart. You have no reason to be sorry. I love you. Kissing scene. I love you too. When we get to Paris and when we are at the hotel. . .More kissing. It is obvious to see that there are quite more aggressive acts during this episode. I would have to say that it is the normal daily episode of Days of Our Lives. It is pretty easy to see that OObie Zoobie scored the highest for non aggressive acts, and that Days of Our Lives scored the highest on the non aggressive acts. Sabrina the Teenage Witch also had very few aggressive acts during the episode. The one that scores the highest on pro-social acts is clearly Oobie Zoobie, and, without much surprise Days of our Lives scored lowest on pro-social acts. Sabrina the Teenage Witch also scored fairly high on pro-social acts. I believe that Oobie Zoobie is a wholesome, cute cartoon. I believe that children need to watch more programs like this cartoon. This cartoon was teaching children to count numbers. This cartoon also was teaching children to look and recognize different shapes. This cartoon would be a very good show for infants to watch it is extremely colorful and stimulating. Sabrina the Teenage Witch is a very good show for older children and adolescents to watch during the afternoon. It shows very little violence. The only thing some parents might disagree with is the ability to wave your finger and make things happen. However, as it is the sixth substage children need stimulating ideas to consider for make believe play. However, children need to know that real life is not anything like television. I do not believe that Days of our Lives is suitable for any child to watch in the afternoon, evening, or late at night. This soap opera shows too much violence. Also, there is semi nudity in some scenes, blood being displayed in others, and corruption is promoted at times. Children need much better moral standards, so that they do not become like any of the characters living in Salem.

Psychology 312 Journal #2
This is the second journal entry I wrote for my Infant and Child Development class. When I was a child I was fortunate to own many books. When my sister Sherry had her children they received many of our old books. My mom has also given a lot of our books away to Good Will. From talking to my older sister Sherry who had a four year old daughter; I received many good ideas for suitable books. One of our favorite books as children was the Pokey Little Puppy that Golden Book created. There were many illustrations of a white and black spotted puppy. There were illustrations of the woman who owned the puppies who they called their mother. There were also illustrations of the other puppies, desserts, and signs. The signs illustrated had “NO puppies are allowed digging under the fence.” This book was about the puppies not listening to their mother, and being punished for not being good puppies. There was always one last puppy who came straggling in behind the others. He would always do what the mother had told the other puppies not to do. Finally one day all of the puppies were good, and the mother made them strawberry shortcake. When the last pokey little puppy made it home there was no strawberry shortcake left for him. This book lasted through at least me and my two sisters. The book has a hard cover with a golden spine. Another one of my favorite books as a child was a series called the Bearnstein Bears. It had extremely colorful pictures of a Bear Family. The mother always stuck out the most to me in her blue spotted dress and hat. The books explained things like going to the dentist, and why good dental hygiene is necessary. The books were not made out of as durable material as the Golden books. These books were made out of plastic covers. Another one of my favorite books as a child was a huge Disney book about the 101 Dalmations. My grandparents bought this book for me when I was a child. This book had illustrations of Perdita and Pongo’s owners. There were also pictures of Perdita, Pongo, and their puppies. There were also pictures of their house keeper. The villains of the book were Cruella Deville and her hench men. Cruella Deville was extremely rich and always seen wearing a fur coat. Her two henchmen looked extremely odd. One of the men was tall and lanky, while the other one was short and stout. The story was about how the Dalmation family had to run away from a crazy lady who wanted to make them into fur coats. The puppies make it home safely in the end, and all 101 puppies live with Perdita and Pongo’s owners. This book was another extremely hard cover book and it still exists today. Right now that book is sitting downstairs in my room at my mother’s house. Another one of my favorite books was Clifford the Big Red Dog. This book showed a little girl by the name of Sarah Elizabeth Smith. It shows pictures of when she first gets Clifford, and how small he is as a puppy. The book has illustrations of her giving him a bath, and taking good care of him. Later in the book Clifford grows up to be so big Sarah can ride him. He is a very special big red dog. The moral of this story was how dogs are wonderful; as well as loving someone for who they truly are. This book was made with the same material as the Bearnstein Bears book. It had a soft plastic cover. Another one of my favorite books as a child was the Little Engine Who Could. This book had illustrations of a choo choo train. Through the story the little engine has to face many battles. He does not think that he can make it up the hill. So, when he gets to the gigantic mountain he keeps telling himself “I think I can. . .I think I can.” He keeps telling himself this until he gets to the top of the mountain. The moral of this children’s story is to never give up trying, and to do your best. This book was made out of rubber and plastic and was very durable. Another one of my favorite books as a child was Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. This book had illustrations of Sam I am and a funny little man. The little man chases Sam I am through the book trying to convince him to try his food. He keeps asking Sam I am would you eat green eggs and ham in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? He keeps rhyming through the entire book. He drives Sam I am to the point of insanity. Finally in the end Sam I am gives in and tries the green eggs and ham. To Sam I am’s surprise he really likes the green eggs and ham. The morl of this story is to try things even if you think you will not like them. This book was another hard cover book and was made out of pretty durable material.

Psychology 312 Journal#1
Okay this is the first journal entry that I wrote for my Infant and Child development class. My sister Sherry had her first baby at twenty four years old. She fortunately had her mother close to ask for advice. Sherry’s pregnancy was not expected; however she was happy finding out she was pregnant. My sister Sherry had started teaching English not too long before becoming pregnant. She had been a teacher for a couple of years. She also had not been married that long when she became pregnant for the first time. She and her husband had only been married for two years. The fact that she was conceiving a child changed her life in many ways. However, at the same time she remained strong and stable. She has always had an unpredictable and funny personality. I remember I was fifteen when she had my niece. Sherry had her first child on my fifteenth birth day. I did not think of how it would affect her at the time; rather I thought about how the event would affect my birth day. Sherry's life changed after having her first child by the fact she had to learn how to take care of this new born child. At times her husband would become jealous of how much Sherry loved my new born niece. I also remember that her first child was a lot more hard to take care of then either of her second children. As a baby, my sister’s first born daughter cried constantly. The doctor proclaimed she had acid reflux, which caused her to cry so much as a baby. My sister was lucky because my mother lived pretty close to her. My mother helped Sherry out a lot with her first baby. She would babysit her new grand daughter whenever Sherry needed. This helped my sister Sherry out by allowing her and her husband to go out on regular dates. It also helped when my sister and her husband were losing their sanity. Sherry recovered pretty quickly after having her first baby. She went back to work after summer break. She was able to have two more beautiful children after her first daughter. I think what has affected Sherry the most with her children was finding out she had breast cancer. She received this news last November. Right now her children are almost twelve, eight, and four. Her four year old daughter was the child who greatly responded to this news. My sister and her husband have been fairly financially stable, even after having their first child. Of course money has been tight at times, but she and her husband have been able to survive. Until last November they both taught middle school. At times I believe that Sherry is entirely too lenient with her youngest daughter. I suppose she is this way because of her health condition. As well as, when you look into those big sad brown eyes you have no way of saying no. She is too cute for her own good. Two years ago I also had a friend named Teal give birth to a baby. She was only seventeen when she gave birth to her baby. The father of the baby did not acknowledge that this child was his. He did not help her out in any way. She had government assistance during her pregnancy, as well as a little while after the pregnancy. She decided with her recent blindness that she could not handle the pressure of keeping the baby. She ended up giving the child to her aunt and uncle to raise as their own child. Her life changed dramatically when she became pregnant. She did not properly take care of herself during the pregnancy. She became pregnant due to the fact she can not use birth control. After having the baby she decided to take the precaution to prevent this from happening again. She ended up with a copper IUD being inserted inside of her body. She suffered from the symptoms of post partdum depression. She was very angry and sad for a good year after having this baby. She finally gained her life back and is functioning normally again. My mother has had six children during her fifty five years of life. Her life dramatically changed after having my sister Sherry. She had my sister Sherry when she was only nineteen years old. Her marriage with Sherry’s father fell apart not too long after she gave birth to her. He ended up cheating on my mother to her surprise. By the time Sherry was only a few years old they ended up getting a divorce. My mother raised Sherry practically by herself . My mother had a very hard time coping with this factor. She had to work as a single parent and spend time with her child. She soon remarried my brother’s father. He was extremely abusive towards my mother. She still had an extremely hard time coping with taking care of her children. Sherry’s father came back into the ppicture when she remarried. However, due to the actions of the father of my brother my mom still suffered with taking care of both Sherry and Brandon. She had to explain to her first child that she was going to have a baby brother. Sherry was jealous at times of all of the new children that became her family members. My mom soon met my father merely a year after her husband died. Soon she became pregnant with me. Later she gave birth to my two younger sisters. She decided to divorce my father when I was nine and a half years old. I remember them fighting and arguing a lot when my sisters and I were young children. She became a single parent again by choice. She then remarried my step father when I was fifteen.

Blur
Right now everything feels like one giant blur. I am nervous, excited, exhausted, and anxious. Tonight I am going to see Flyleaf, Three Days Grace, and Breaking Benjamin. I am really excited because I love Flyleaf. I am nervous because I hate going places at night.I also am feeling exhausted because I did not sleep too well last night. I am also tired because I went and worked out before Neuro Psych. That class is kind of stressing me out right now. There is just so much information to learn, and not enough time to do it. I am also feeling hungry right now. I am definitely looking forward to going and eating somewhere today. I don’t know where we are going, but I am sure it will be good.Okay I am tired of sitting at the computer and I want to go lay down for a little while.

2009 to 2010
I have exactly one week until I have to go back to Eastern. I am honestly looking forward to this semester. I really can not explain why I feel this way. For some reason I just do feel this way. I think more than anything I am extremely excited about going to see Flyleaf on February 1st of this year. It seems so crazy to me that it is 2010. I listened to “Our Song” by Taylor Swift today, and it still makes me think of Phillip. I still hold his memory in my heart strongly. I think I may always be in love with him; whether he is alive or not. The time that I spent with him in my mind will always be amazing. Right now I am listening to music that I have saved on my favorites. I just listened to “Cornflake Girl” covered by Tapping the Vein. What will I listen to next? Only youtube knows this piece of information.Okay I made up my mind on that decision. I decided to listen to “About You” by Infinite Syndrome Bugs. I think that this year I have decided to focus on myself. I have chased so many men in the last year and been traumatized by men at the same time. For some time the month of May is going to be a bad time for me. I think for a while to come I will think about being raped that month. The year may change, but my feelings will stay the same. I really pray that that bastard ssleeps with some female who does not realize she has HHIV. I want the virus to be transmitted to him. Perhaps some see that as sadistic; however I see that as a well deserved punishment. I hate rapists with all of my heart. I think the best day of last year for me was Christmas eve. I was able to reflect on how I had felt the year before on that day. I remember two days had passed after Spiked was killed by that horrible dog next door. I wanted a new poodle with every fibre of my soul. I didn’t think that I would get a new dog with the way my mom reacted to the situation. However, to my amazement I came to buy my first poodle and he is known as Little Bear Russo. Russo means red in Italian. He is beautiful, sweet, and wild. His only draw back is that he throws up on car rides. He is still an amazing poodle. He has an amazing sweet demeanor.I think that I learned a lot last year. I think my favorite class of last year was Personality Psychology; however my favorite professor was Teresa Botts. She is now my advisor in the Psychology department. I think my favorite movie I saw last year was Confessions of a Shopaholic. My favorite television show stayed Days of Our Lives, as well as my favorite band stayed Garbage. I think those are pretty permanent favorites. I think the people I had the most fun hanging out with this past year were Jessica Brad Pitt, Tiffany Warren, and my sister Rebecca. I think the two most exciting events of the year were the Trivium, Coheed and Cambria, and Slipknot concet; as well as the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey circus. I had a lot of fun going to both of those events. I think that the person I would have to say I enjoyed talking to the most this year was Brent Hunter. He is an amazing blind dude who I love like a brother. It definitely was not the best year of my life; however I have to say December was much better for me this year. I thought it was pretty cool getting to be a brides maid at my sister Rebecca’s wedding. A lot of horrible things happened in my life this past year; however many good things happened as well to me. I hope that 2010 will be a much better year.

QUIZ!
I am extremely stoked at the moment. I woke up this morning and checked my e-mail to find great news. I found out that I received an 87 on my last Political Science quiz! I was so happy! I talked to Chris last night after I went looking through many parts of my old self. I had a lot of faery energy surrounding me. I still do not like the fact that he will not make the first move with me and come see me. I am going to make this a public announcement to him here in a few minutes. After that I am going to bed. I just wanted to write about this and the fact that I keep seeing and feeling Phillip everywhere I go. I heard a phrase that reminded me of something he would say in my Math class this morning. This guy asked for a sheet of paper and wen the other guy gave it to him he said "Thanks I appreciate it." Phillip used to say things like that when someone would do something for him. I have begun to wonder if I keep seeing him around lately because of how hard his death was on me at this time last year. Also, I wonder if it means he is with me and watching over me to tell me that everything is going to be all right. I have not felt Phillip like this in over a year. The last time I really remembering being able to feel him around me like this was in November of last year. I still do really love him and I always will. I can not help this fact. He meant EVERYTHING to me when he was alive. I still wish every day that he was alive. I wonder how different my life would be right now if he were living. I know this without a doubt I will never forget Phillip. *sigh*

go here
go here please?

need
need to find a poem

fuck off
fuck off posers

wonder if thiz'll werk
well I'm going to try and see if I can do thiz by just using the URL whether it'z going to b compatible or not hell if I know but if it iz that iz the link to where I will from now on b having a journal although thiz page will still be up and have all of my old entriez on it for people to read

Living with the BlueZ
Well today haz had itz upz and downz bleh I'm listening to She Fucking Hatez Me by Puddle of Mud God I LOVE thiz song just turn into He Fucking Hates Me and you'll have the last guy I was in love with! yep yep yep! ohhh mahn I'm getting over him just a bit though I had a pretty good day cept for the little arguing of the family life God my family seriously blowz but hell that'z Heatherz life for ya! eih let'z see got online talked to Jon god he'z such a dong he'z such a fucking virgin of love and everything he haz no fucking clue what hez getting himself into and I honestly kinda find it funny in a way mega ironic because he'z going to wake up and see the real true light of how love endz up being IT RIPZ YOUR FUCKING HEART OUT!!! ohhh baby Rob Zombie Dragula!!! startz bopping head up and down gently feeling a bit sick again from my damned birth control going to take some pain killerz soon and put myself down for some rest HeathZ ass needz it!! eih I'm not in the worse mood today tho talked to Katie, shez pretty happy she getz to see her sexy ass mahn tomorrow talked to Gaia I found out some stuff about her I NEVER knew til tonite I told her my major secret of being disabled I'n not too awfully secretive of it unless I have to say it to someone either over the phone and they can hear me or face to face of a normal unimpaired physical person maybe it'z just I'm afraid they'll hear or see my uncertainty ya know? I'm still never sure how people will take it if you know what I mean I still can't get those wordz of that one guy who alwayz called me Helen Keller out of my head not that she had anything wrong with her look at all the WONDEROUS thingz that womahn did compared to what a lot of peoplez skanky, rotten, nasty assez will ever accompolish! I talked to Thomas tonight eih not the Thomas I met up in Louisville different one he livez in Arizona he'z MEGA awesome he'z in a band and workz at like a concert venue he seemz so totally amazing and hell of a lot like me itz like he totally understandz the thing of being in love like i do with my disadvantagez when itz came to men he'z one of the most awesomest guyz eih plus last night I got on bolt for a while out of boredom and like I looked at old friendz of minez profilez and I waz sitting there thinking about Will and how much I had been in love with him and just the way he totally brushed me off az if he had never felt anything for me in front of people sworn enemiez of mine at timez and he'd sit there and act like my friend but when it came down to it that waz a fucking lie and I sit there and ask myself Heath WHY THE FUCK are you wrenching your heart over some haz been wanna b gothic little boy who will probably never grow up out of hiz Peter Pan syndrome when you're so fucking mature and will never conspire to disinhabit yourself to go so low az to be with someone who can't see the full potential of everything you are and could be tot hem with your loyalty, your faith, your faithfulness, your incredible talent, your great perceptive mind, your intelligence, your love for art and classic literature, your great music taste, your great taste of just everything, why let some stupid little whiny, sniveling, conceited stuck up asshole tell you what you are and aren't? You know yourself better than anyone the two and only other soulz who know you better are God and Jesus and other than that you are the one who will ALWAYZ know what and who you are and you don't have to listen to anyone EXCEPT for Heather because if you're not worthy in their eyez itz their loss not yourz I've just done a lot of contemplation lately and I've come down to forgetting whatever happenz because itz not worth worrying over although I know I will again sometime soon and I'll write about it and it'll be on here shrugZ thatz just how I am I live day by day

Solitude

How many times have you told me you love her As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth How long have I stood here beside you I live through you You looked through me

Ooh, Solitude, Still with me is only you Ooh, Solitude, I can't stay away from you

How many times have I done this to myself How long will it take before I see When will this hole in my heart be mended Who now is left alone but me

Ooh, Solitude, Forever me and forever you Ooh, Solitude, Only you, only true

Everyone leave me stranded Forgotten, abandoned, left behind I can't stay here another night

Your secret in my heart Who could it be

Ooh, Can't you see All along it was me How can you be so blind As to see right through me

And Ooh, Solitude, Still with me is only you Ooh, Solitude, I can't stay away from you

Ooh, Solitude, Forever me and forever you Ooh, Solitude, Only you, only true

-Evanescence

Missing

thiz song remindz me more than anything of Don so when I feel the need to greatly torture myself all I have to do iz turn thiz song on bleh

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll have woke up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know - You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?

[CHORUS] Even though I'd be sacrificed, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, Shudder deep and cry out: "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?"

[CHORUS]

And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something...

[CHORUS]

-Evanescence

Breathe No More

I've been looking in the mirror for so long. That I've come to believe my souls on the other side. Oh the little pieces falling, shatter. Shards of me, To sharp to put back together. To small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces. If I try to touch her, And I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well. Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child. Lie to me, Convince me that I've been sick forever. And all of this, Will make sense when I get better. I know the difference, Between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder, Which of us do you love. So I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe now... Bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe, I breathe- I breathe no more.

-Evanescence

Farther Away

I took their smiles and I made them mine. I,I sold my soul just to hide the light. And now I see what I really am, A thief a whore, and a liar. I run to you, Call out your name, I see you there, father away.

Im numb to you - numb and deaf and blind. You give me all but the reason why. I reach but I feel only air at night. Not you, not love, just nothing. I run to you, Call out your name, I see you there, father away.

Try to forget you, But without you I feel nothing. Don't leave me here, by myself. I can't breathe. I run to you, Call out your name, I see you there, father away.

I run to you, Call out your name, I see you there, father away, Farther away, Farther away, Farther away, Farther away, Farther away.

-Evanescence

Exodus

thiz song SCREAMZ Heather

My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams 20 bucks should get me through the week Never said a word of discontentment Fought it a thousand times but now I'm leaving home

[CHORUS:] Here in the shadows I'm safe I'm free I've nowhere else to go but I cannot stay where I don't belong

Two months pass by and it's getting cold I know I'm not lost I am just alone But I won't cry I won't give up I can't go back now Waking up is knowing who you really are

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Show me the shadow where true meaning lies So much more is made in empty eyes

-Evanescence

Forgive me

Can you forgive me again? I don't know what I said But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out I felt like I would die It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me You're not shouting anymore You're silently broken

I'd give anything now to hear those words from you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you." But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me Somehow I'll make you see How happy you make me

I can't live this life Without you by my side I need you to survive

So stay with me You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again You're my one true friend And I never meant to hurt you

-Evanescence

Give Unto Me

I've been watching you from a distance The distance sees through your disguise All I want from you is your hurting I want to heal you I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles I'll endure your suffering Place onto me your burden I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you Somehow it matters more to me Than if I were hurting myself Save you (save you) I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles I'll endure your suffering Place onto me your burden I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle Let it be the sun in your world of darkness Give unto me all that frightens you I'll have your nightmares for you If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles I'll endure your suffering Place onto me your burden I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle Let it be the sun in your world of darkness Give unto me all that frightens you I'll have your nightmares for you If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

-Evanescence

Understanding

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind. Consciously, you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works. Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain, we reject it. We erase it from our memories. But the answer is always there."

(Can't wash it all away) (Can't Wish it all away) (Can't hope it all away) (Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you The fear that binds you Releases life in me In our mutual Shame we idolize To blind them from the truth That finds a way from who we are Please don't be afraid When the darkness fades away The dawn will break the silence Screaming in our hearts My love for you still grows This I do for you Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real. And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away Can't wish it all away Can't cry it all away Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you Listening to you breathe The life that flows inside of you Burns inside of me Hold and speak to me Of love without a sound Tell me you will live through this And I will die for you Cast me not away Say you'll be with me For I know I cannot Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, are you?" "Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away Can't hope it all away Can't scream it all away It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away Can't wish it all away Can't cry it all away Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away) (Can't hope it all away) Can't scream it all away Ooh, it all away Ooh, it all away

"But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten." "Because I'm tired of it too." "Because I'm tired of it too." "Because I'm tired of it too." "Because I'm tired of it too." "Because I'm tired of it too."

-Evanescence

So Close

I've spent so much time throwing rocks at your window That I never even knocked on the front door

I walk by statues never even made one chip but if i could leave a mark on the monument of the heart I just might lay myself down for a little more than I had the last day

Wait a time to spare these lies we tell ourselves These days have come and gone But this time is sweeter than honey

-Evanescence

October

I can't run anymore, I fall before you, Here I am, I have nothing left, Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am, Take me home, I'm through fighting it, Broken, Lifeless, I give up, You're my only strength, Without you, I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again.

My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.

I can't run anymore, I give myself to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored, All that's real and true, All I need is you, When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm too alive, And you're too strong, I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.

Constantly ignoring, The pain consuming me, But this time it's cut too deep, I'll never stray again.

My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love, My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.

-Evanescence

Good Night

Goodnight, sleep tight

No more tears

Goodnight morning, I'll be here

And when we say goodnight,

Dry your eyes

Because we said goodnight,

And now goodbye

We said goodnight

And now goodbye

-Evanescence

My Last Breath

hold on to me love you know i can't stay long all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid can you hear me? can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath safe inside myself are all my thoughts of you sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter a world of fragile things look for me in the white forest hiding in a hollow tree (come find me) i know you hear me i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath safe inside myself are all my thoughts of you sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear you pray your dreams will leave you here but still you wake and know the truth no one's there

say goodnight don't be afraid calling me calling me as you fade to black

-Evanescence

Hello

playground school bell rings again rain clouds come to play again has no one told you she's not breathing? hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to hello

if i smile and don't believe soon i know i'll wake from this dream don't try to fix me i'm not broken hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide don't cry

suddenly i know i'm not sleeping hello i'm still here all that's left of yesterday

-Evanescence

Taking Over Me

you don't remember me but i remember you i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you but who can decide what they dream? and dream i do...

i believe in you i'll give up everything just to find you i have to be with you to live to breathe you're taking over me

have you forgotten all i know and all we had? you saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand i knew you loved me then

i believe in you i'll give up everything just to find you i have to be with you to live to breathe you're taking over me

i look in the mirror and see your face if i look deep enough so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

-Evanescence

Tourniquet

i tried to kill the pain but only brought more i lay dying and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming am i too lost to be saved am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet return to me salvation my God my tourniquet return to me salvation

do you remember me lost for so long will you be on the other side or will you forget me i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming am i too lost to be saved am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet return to me salvation my God my tourniquet return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave my soul cries for deliverance will i be denied Christ tourniquet my suicide

-Evanescence

Haunted

long lost words whisper slowly to me still can't find what keeps me here when all this time i've been so hollow inside i know you're still there

watching me wanting me i can feel you pull me down fearing you loving you i won't let you pull me down

hunting you i can smell you - alive your heart pounding in my head

watching me wanting me i can feel you pull me down saving me raping me watching me

-Evescence

Everybody's Fool

perfect by nature icons of self indulgence just what we all need more lies about a world that

never was and never will be have you no shame don't you see me you know you've got everybody fooled

look here she comes now bow down and stare in wonder oh how we love you no flaws when you're pretending but now i know she

never was and never will be you don't know how you've betrayed me and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now i know who you are and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be you're not real and you can't save me somehow now you're everybody's fool

-Evanescence

Bring Me to Life

how can you see into my eyes like open doors leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can’t wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can’t wake up) before I come undone (Save me) save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without you can't just leave me breathe into me and make me real bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can’t wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can’t wake up) before I come undone (Save me) save me from the nothing I’ve become

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see kept in the dark but you were there in front of me I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems got to open my eyes to everything without a thought without a voice without a soul don't let me die here there must be something more bring me to life

(Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can’t wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can’t wake up) before I come undone (Save me) save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life) I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside (Bring me to life)

-Evanescence

Going Under

now i will tell you what i've done for you 50 thousand tears i've cried screaming deceiving and bleeding for you and you still won't hear me don't want your hand this time i'll save myself maybe i'll wake up for once not tormented daily defeated by you just when i thought i'd reached the bottom i'm dying again

i'm going under drowning in you i'm falling forever i've got to break through i'm going under

blurring and stirring the truth and the lies so i don't know what's real and what's not always confusing the thoughts in my head so i can't trust myself anymore i'm dying again

i'm going under drowning in you i'm falling forever i've got to break through

so go on and scream scream at me i'm so far away i won't be broken again i've got to breathe i can't keep going under

-Evanescence

Away From Me

I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to Lost all faith in the things I have achieved And I

[CHORUS:] I've woken now to find myself In the shadows of all I have created I'm longing to be lost in you (away from this place I have made) Won't you take me away from me

Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed I can't go on like this I loathe all I've become

[Chorus]

Lost in a dying world I reach for something more I have grown so weary of this lie I live

[Chorus]

-Evanescence

Lies

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear Sealed with lies through so many tears Lost from within, pursuing the end I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough You will never be good enough You were never conceived in love You will not rise above

[CHORUS:] They'll never see I'll never be I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light Birthing a dawn to this endless night Arms outstretched, awaiting me An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you I have lived and I died for you Abide in me and I vow to you I will never forsake you

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

-Evanescence

Anywhere

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you And at sweet night, you are my own Take my hand

[CHORUS:] We're leaving here tonight There's no need to tell anyone They'd only hold us down So by the morning light We'll be half way to anywhere Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I No one knows who we are there All I want is to give my life only to you I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore Let's run away, I'll take you there

[Chorus]

Forget this life Come with me Don't look back you're safe now Unlock your heart Drop your guard No one's left to stop you

Forget this life Come with me Don't look back you're safe now Unlock your heart Drop your guard No one's left to stop you now

[Chorus]

-Evanescence

Even in Death

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong Moonlight on the soft brown earth It leads me to where you lay They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

[CHORUS:] I will stay forever here with you My love The softly spoken words you gave me Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love They don't know you can't leave me They don't hear you singing to me

[Chorus]

And I can't love you, anymore than I do

-Evanescence

Field of Innocence

I still remember the world From the eyes of a child Slowly those feelings Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone An uneven trade for the real world I want to go back to Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun Always warm on my back Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone Trapped in the eyes of a stranger I want to go back to Believing in everything

-Evanescence

Where Will You Go?

You’re too important for anyone There’s something wrong with everything you see But I, I know who you really are You’re the one who cries when you’re alone

[CHORUS:] But where will you go With no one left to save you from yourself You can’t escape You can’t escape

You think that I can’t see right through your eyes Scared to death to face reality No one seems to hear your hidden cries You’re left to face yourself alone

[Chorus]

I realize you’re afraid But you can’t abandon everyone You can’t escape You don’t want to escape

I’m so sick of speaking words that no one understands Is it clear enough that you can’t live your whole life all alone I can hear you in a whisper But you can’t even hear me screaming

[Chorus]

I realize you’re afraid But you can’t reject the whole world You can’t escape You won’t escape You can’t escape You don’t want to escape

-Evanescence

My immortal

my immortal i'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now i'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me i've been alone all along

-Evanescence

Imaginary

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming The goddess of imaginary light

In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me

I linger in the doorway Of alarm clock screaming Monsters calling my name Let me stay Where the wind will whisper to me Where the raindrops As they're falling tell a story

If you need to leave the world you live in Lay your head down and stay awhile Though you may not remember dreaming Something waits for you breathe again

In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me

-Evanescence

Whisper

catch me as i fall say you're here and it's all over now speaking to the atmosphere no one's here and i fall into myself this truth drives me into madness i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away don't give in to the pain don't try to hide though they're screaming your name don't close your eyes God knows what lies behind them don't turn out the light never sleep never die

i'm frightened by what i see but somehow i know that there's much more to come immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears i can stop the pain if i will it all away

don't turn away don't give in to the pain don't try to hide though they're screaming your name don't close your eyes God knows what lies behind them don't turn out the light never sleep never die

fallen angels at my feet whispered voices at my ear death before my eyes lying next to me i fear she beckons me shall i give in upon my end shall i begin forsaking all i've fallen for i rise to meet the end

-Evanescence

What I Like About You

hey..uh uh huh

what i like about you you hold me tight tell me im the only one wanna come over tonight keep on whispering in my ear tell me all the things i wanna hear cuz its true thats what i like about you thats what i like about you

what i like about you you really know how to dance when you go up down jump around talk about true romance keep on whispering in my ear tell me the things i wanna hear cuz its true thats what i like about you thats what i like about you thats what i like about you thats what i like about you

hey uh uh huh

what i like about you you give me 1 out of 9 never wanna let you go you know you make me feel alright keep on whispering in my ear tell me the things i wanna hear cuz its true thats what i like about you thats what i like about you thats what i like about you you you you thats what i like about you

-Lillix cover

Promises

its been another day thinking what could have been it gets so hard but its not what it seems what i wanted to be did i try to hard then i hoped for something much more just before this youll have to

promise we wont fall apart promise this right from the start promise on heaven that you would make believe yeah e yeah e yeah promise me

i dont understand what i did wrong when i promised you what do i say when everything is blear then i hoped for something much more just before this youll have to

promise we wont fall apart promise this right from the start promise on heaven that you would make believe yeah e yeah e yeah promise me

what will tomorrow bring when desiding the truth it gets so hard but its just a day when everything went wrong relying on you

thinking what did i searching what to find right now as i say youll have to

promise we wont fall apart promise this right from the start promise on heaven that you would make believe yeah e yeah e yeah

promise we wont fall apart promise this right from the start promise on heaven that you would make believe yeah e yeah e yeah promise me

promise me...

-Lillix

Fork in the Road

Day by Day I seek the possibilites Searching for The one and only thing that I lack Look at the hourglass

Count down, a decision I should cast Let the mind race, at a fast pace Take me to another place

Lost and found again Right before the fork in the road I start then begin Right before the fork in the road I spilt apart in two Never to discover you I carry this giant load Left me before the fork in the road

Stop I believe the day is dawning before the truth No hint no clue, who knows what to do? Green again Time to chase those feelings away

Times ticking you must make up your mind (Yes I will, yes I will) The moment is gone without a thrill (Yes I will, yes I will)

-Lillix

Lost and Confused

so many days ive gone by without a trace i dont know what to do and what to say to many ways for you to come and stay in my mind ive waiting for you but there is one thing that ive forgot to say dont think im changing for you never ever will you hear me say that i cant make it alone you just cant change it now not before we see that it has

gone through the window out its side never again to see lost in the distance dont know where to go dont know where to go

i have seen you inside the intercom what a waste to it all dont turn away just look around then youll see that its gone it bugs me more then words thats why you cant see that its

gone through the window out its side never again to see lost in the distance dont know where to go dont know where to go

when the time has come for me to say goodbye ill look upon that moment i wont hide

gone through the window out its side never again to see lost in the distance dont know where to go dont know where to go [x2]

dont know where to go...

-Lillix

Because

Here we are, it's but another little fight They want you to be the only one in sight Don't just make believe that you really care We know honestly, you still ask

Why you're calling Why you're falling Why you're crawling and we're not stalling

You always call about nothing at all It's all because the way it was, you don't know You always call about nothing at all It's all because the way it was, you don't know

All the time complaints come only from you And we try to say there's nothing more we can do Blaming it on me 'cause you're never right Don't take it from me, we all know

Why you're calling Why you're falling Why you're crawling and we're not stalling

You always call about nothing at all It's all because the way it was, you don't know You always call about nothing at all It's all because the way it was

Hey you over there Criticizing me I don't really care what you think of me You don't know you'll always be the Queen of bad news who tries to confuse You'll always lose I know

You always call nothing at all You always call nothing at all

-Lillix

Sick

i'm never gonna be what you wanna see always gotta gotta be me and free right or wrong here we are

well i've heard it all before and im tired of the lies i tried i wont compromise your a thousand miles away draining under the flooded veins take away the strain

i don't think that you know i'm about to let you go before i put you away one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i'm sick of you again i'm thinkin' no oh i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i've fallin' behind dont wanna go under admind again and i just wanna say so go on

i have thrown it all away reachen over the cloud today and im on the way cast my shadows on the side creepin over into the sky shining brighter i feel alive

i don't think you know i'm about to let you go before i put you away one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i'm sick of you again i'm thinkin no oh i'm not sorry and i dont wanna worry i've fallin behind don't wanna go under admind again and i just wanna say

i'm never gonna be what you wanna see always gonna gon be me and free carry on run along i scream by you to record what you do i'm tired and through with you livin' on with you gone

i don't think you know i'm about to let you go before i put you away one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i'm sick of you again i'm thinkin' no oh i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i've fallin' behind don't wanna go under admind again and i just wanna say

i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i'm sick of you again i'm thinkin' no oh i'm not sorry and i don't wanna worry i've fallin' behind don't wanna go under admind again and i just wanna say

stop go on [x2]

-Lillix

24/7

im never ganna run im never ganna live im never ganna hide ohhh

ill wait for you hoping that day will come ill wait for you until it feels like forever and that time was spend on and wishing that you were here and i hope someday forever wont be so far away

but right now 24/7 ill wait 24/7 for you 24/7 i know 24/4 you'll be here woo who you'll be here

sometimes i feel that your not so far away (your not far away) this might be true dalusion had my side and i i know that visual isn't everything (visual isn't everything) and i hope someday forever wont be far away

but right now 24/7 ill wait 24/7 for you 24/7 i know 24/4

but here i feel it in the air dont know the feeling so give me a sign i dont know you dont care tell me if someones there if youre for real then just get out of my mind

oh now i see you right infront of me my voice was locked and i know you had to keep there on ice stuck in romance come and gone well im here alone watching you walk on (walk on)

24/7 ill wait 24/7 for you 24/7 i know 24/4

24/7 im never ganna run im never ganna live im never ganna hide [x2] ohhh

24/7 27/7 ohhh 24/7 ill wait 24/7 i know 24/7 24/4 ill wait 24/7 for you 24/7 i know

-Lillix

Invisible

What can be done in order for you to percieve that I'm not falling behind? That's your vision your delusion I was here to begin You've interrupted our concluesions but we haven't begun And you've placed your number ones instead

So what, I'm different Would you prefer if we were all like her? You see the external illusions We're all the same

I don't want to be gone I don't want to be When I'm around

When will this end on who will we depend and you're looking for the trend, from the one who came along and now we've changed who's to blame? No one other than the other We'll get back to where we were, never longing over what's preferred You never listened, told us to mind our business Lies tried to ride your feelings words hide their meanings What can I do, just let it all pass through Convincing you to belive what's true I don't want, want to be gone I don't, I don't want no

-Lillix

Dirty Sunshine

nah nah nah dirty black clothes a spider creeping up the wall moldy pizza sits where i left it on the floor

what's that breeze upon my face how did humans make light

you hit me it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine you walked in it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine i slamed the door and it shut the blinds dirty sunshine

i feel like shit now but i dont mind cuz its that time again im in my sweat pants and im a mess dont want to let you in cuz sweetness gives me cavaties your all i dont want to

you hit me it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine you walked in it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine i slamed the door and it shut the blinds dirty sunshine

i dont wanna run in your merry go round stop picking me up when i want to be down smash my nails on the floor and im not gonna say whats that breeze upon my face how did you make it yoouuu you walked in and it all shines bright

you walked in it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine you hit me it all turns to sunshine dirty sunshine i slammed the door and it shut the blinds dirty sunshine you walked in and it all turns bright sunshine dirty sunshine

-Lillix

It's About Time

It's about life It's about fun

I hate you, I love you I just can't remember to forget you Who are you, who needs you? You make me feel alive, I die, so high I'm crawling on the ground and I have found I can fly

One of these days it all comes together One of those days that goes on forever Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever What’s it all about?

Chorus: It’s about life, it’s about fun It’s over before it has begun It’s about you, it’s about me It’s about everything between and I say I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue It’s about time that I Make up my mind

It’s simple, confusing, the truth is I'm winning but I'm losing And pulling and pushing, won't do me any good It could, it should I'm honest to myself that the truth is I lied

One of these days it all comes together One of those days that goes on forever Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever What’s it all about?

It’s about life, it’s about fun It’s over before it has begun It’s about you, it’s about me It’s about everything between and I say I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue It’s about time that I Make up my mind

Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me Fading the words so desperately Now give me a reason that I can believe in Time is something you can't rewind One of these days it all comes together One of those days that goes on forever Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever What’s it all about?

It’s about life, it’s about fun It’s over before it has begun It’s about you, it’s about me It’s about everything between and I say I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue It’s about time that I Make up my mind

-Lillix

Quicksand

yesterday seemed so much longer then today there must be something wrong with me i think im losing in oh no i must be stupid now im here yes im here cuz i tried if your here then youre here for a while

i can reach the sky without being traced down i can run forever while i try to hold on but if youll be there where i drown i dont want to hold your hand its quicker then quicksand and you just wont make it

now or less i think ive seen a brighter side ive trusted no one deep inside is what they call the rest of them they just dont get it but were there yes were there for a try and were there yes were there for a while

i can reach the sky without being traced down i can run forever while i try to hold on but if youll be there where i drown i dont want to hold your hand its quicker then quicksand and you just wont make it

ive seen so many try to get there way im sure its not there best yeah im sure not there best

i can reach the sky without being traced down i can run forever while i try to hold on but if youll be there where i drown i dont want to hold your hand its quicker then quicksand and you just wont make it

its quicker then quickersand and you just wont make it [x2]

-Lillix

Tomorrow

tomorrow just another day another way to spend my day all by my self starin at the tv screen flipping through my magazine everything is unclear i need you hear do

and i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok i'll be ok

walking down this whining road raining days are all unknown i have hit the ground staring up into the sky countin all the reasons why my mind is spinning around i need to breath dooo

so,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok

get off from the floor i just can't take anymore leave that all behind just get along

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah oohhh

oh,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok i'll be ok

oh,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud

i need to break out!! were ok were alright were ok we'll be alright

tomorrow just another day another way to spend my day

-Lillix

Sacrificed

I’m ashamed of myself For wanting someone who sacrificed such an extraordinary female How could I have fallen in love with you such a common mortal How could I have possibly of wanted you such an ordinary mammal You never took me into consideration for one single interval A lock of bright red hair falling over my left eye As I look through each little piece of crystalline Wondering how could I ever have wanted you to be mine You never listened to me one fucking single time I want to watch the best of you die Just like you made each of my nine lives Disintegrate into the folly of each of your deceiving lies

Lips locked with sacrilege Staring at each of my silver appendages You once coveted having my salvage It ended with all of the chains of your malice I fell to the ground imprisoned by the ice palace That locked your eyes to mine in solace Solitude engraves her mouth Silence won’t take it’s mount Don’t ask for it Don’t plan on it You sacrificed me once Out of love? Was that it? BITE YOUR TONGUE! You don’t know the embodiment of love So please don’t speak to me of having faith in the quantity of being enough

Insanity becoming what she is forever Falling all the way under Massively matted locks of red feathers You never once looked at her When she was in your blundering sight You never once thought of her You plumb ignored her every single night She still has a secret of yours deep inside of her Darling with lips like those no one ever needs to speak the conception of being polite Lips of red beseech her Behind them lay teeth that are ivory white You inevitably killed her You don’t know it but one day you will be over ruled by her bite Be ready for her No, no you’ll never expect her to turn deadly enough to force you to die

Chorus

I want to cut your dick off and store it in a glass jar Just to prove that I had the trophy of your antlers I hate you for falling in love with another You thought you’d lie to me forever But lies are a form of deception That I will not make to the acceptance I want to watch as you scream Scream for me baby You know you want to feel it baby You once asked me to kiss you With lips deformed Lips your eyes could not take advantage of Slavery in an act of denial is what you wanted performed You thought you had the best of Her from the pieces you had mercenarily torn Illusion in your eyes is what you let become You’re so deluded That I don’t even want to begin to ask how come You’re so preposterous and ashamed You’ll never admit you’re alone You’ll never sacrifice yourself for the innocence you murdered That you had executed Easily amused Because your mind is demented and retarded You could have taken what I offered But I was offering myself in sacrifice to an idiot! IDIOT OF A SADIST WHO ATE OFF THE MISERY OF A MASOCHIST TO PUSH HER DOWN FARTHER BECAUSE SHE WILLINGLY SURRENDERED HER HEART TO THE ONE WHO WAS COMMERCE CHAMBERED ENOUGH TO MAKE HIMSELF LAW ENFORCED WHAT THE HELL WAS I WANTING YOU FOR YOUR IDIOCY OF MY MIND TOOK OVER JUST ENOUGH JUST ENOUGH TO BE SACRIFICED!

Don't Ever Feel Much like Writing about my life
you know ever since I went to Louisville and came back I got majorly out of balance with writing in my journal I never really feel much like writing down my daily life and what goez on maybe it'z just where I'm so mega fucking depressed I dunno sighZ what'z happened thiz week well I feel like major shit because it waz like Tuesday or Wednesday one or the other when we went to Kroger Tuesday shyeah and like I got bitched at for buying food and then like I got to hear how we are so tight on money and shit and then the next day our drive way iz being paved and then we can support seven horsez and I haven't bought one single fucking thing for myself thiz month besidez food ive only spent seventy dollarz twenty for Cinnamon being groomed and fifty for my cell phone bill I feel like I'm having my money not properly shared with me and I'm so fucking tired of everything I feel like I'm alwayz talking to people and like seriously hiding the way I feel and covering it up with thiz mask of happiness bleh I can't help it I just go with how I feel at the moment bleh eih shyeah I talked to like Josh that night too damn I am so envious of where they were going since they were going up to thiz concert in Indiana where Jane'z Addiction of my favorite bandz ever and Audioslave were playing mahn they suck lol eih then Thursday evening I got to go see mammie and pop I love spending time with them thatz kinda like one of my little outletz of escape I go over there and escape my mother for at least a few hourz Í've been strongly thinking of moving out Casey and me have been discussing getting an apartment up in Louisville and going to college there I think it'z a fucking splendid plan I'm tired of not EVER getting to do what I want, spend money on myself, have fun, etc I'm just so fucking tired of people I deserve better than the bull shit I get! I barely got up at all yesterday and I only took like four tylenol pmz of course Wednesday night I did accidentally overdose on them sighz I wazn't trying to I waz just trying to severely knock myself out so i could forget all the bull shit in my life that never endz eih found out that I'm not going bak up to Louisville until September the first that majorly fucking bitez because Casey and I both will be alone for some time each up at that fucking crazy ass place that can b mega scary if you're there all by yourself it can make you wanna scream your fucking lungs out just like I want to do most of the time as it is sighZ I'm just too sick of the way my life iz I want it to change more than anything

Men bite

You need a boyfriend like you need a hole in the head.

There’s been drama.
There have been words.
Breakable items have been thrown.

In short, men are trouble and you want no part of them for any reason.
Conventional wisdom says they’re from Mars...
And that actually is not quite far enough away as far as you’re concerned.
Send them all to Pluto!

And the chances of your changing your mind are slim to none.
But that’s okay. We need to hate certain things in life...
So we’ll appreciate the things we love all the more.

Do You *Need* a Boyfriend?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Disowned

YOU ARE STILL STUCK IN MY PERFECTLY COATED RED HEAD I WANT TO WATCH YOU TURN UP MISSING AND DEAD I’M STILL ANGER FILLED JUST ENOUGH TO SEE THE SHADES OF BLACK AND RED IN MY UNADVANCED HEART LOVE CREPT IN I CAN’T STAND STILL JUST WAITING FOR YOUR STUPID ASS TO COME BACK FROM BASIC TRAINING I’M TIRED OF THINKING OF THOSE SKY BLUE EYES ISN’T IT SHOCKING HOW WELL A FEMALE CAN WORD HERSELF ON THIS SUBJECT WITHOUT ANY MALES ADVICE!

DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE YOU LEFT ME HERE WITH MY BROKEN HEART TETHERED ON THE GROUND SOAKING UP FLIES I HATE YOU FOR THE ERRORS YOU SHOVED ME IN TO FUCK YOU FOR STAYING ALIVE ENEMY IN SOLDIER STRIPES I NO LONGER WANT TO BE YOUR AFFILIATED WIFE I PITY THE UNWILLFUL BLONDE WHO’S MADE OF SUNSHINE WHO STUPIDLY GIVES YOU ALL OF HER TIME RECEIVING HER IN SUPERFICIAL COLORFUL LINES YOU DON’T KNOW THAT SHE’S LYING JUST LIKE YOU MISTER FAKER PUT TWO AND TWO ALL THE WAY TOGETHER JUST TO LET YOURSELF FIGURE OUT THE DISGRACE OF HOW NO ONE FOR ETERNITY WOULD WANT TO STARE AT YOUR DISHONEST FACE!

FACELESS IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE YOU AS DEAD IN THE GROUND IS WHERE I WANT YOUR CARCASS TO BE FOUND STUPIDITY DISFIGURES YOU EMBASSY CONFIGURES THE WHO INSIDE OF YOU AMBASSODY CONTROLS THE WHOLE OF YOU AGONY ENVOYS THE SOUL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU YES YOU! MADE THE STUPIDEST OF CHOICES CHOKE ON YOUR SILENCED VOICE THE ONE YOU GAVE TO HER BECAUSE SHE KNEW THE WAY OF HOW TO MISTREAT YOU!

Chorus

FEARLESS! YES I AM! EMBARRASED! YES YOU WERE OF ME! FIERCELESS! YES I AM! SCARED! YES YOU WERE OF ME! INTELLIGENT! YES I AM! ENTERTAINING YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD USE ME! IRRELEVENT IS WHAT TO ME YOU HAVE BECOME! COMPLAINING IS ALL YOU EVER DID WITH ME! CELIBATE AND LOCKED INSIDE YOUR CUBICLE I WON’T TASTE YOUR THICKENING CUM!

Chorus

CONTAMINATING THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME TO BE IRRITATING YES YOU SOLD THE PLAGUE TO ME NEO NAZI WEARING HIS STORE BOUGHT ARMANI I WANT TO WATCH YOU SURRENDER ALL OF YOUR ARMY TO THE LIKES OF LITTLE OLD ME THE ONE YOU ONCE KNEW IN HER FISH NET STOCKINGS THE ONE YOU ENJOYED DOUBLE CROSSING EAT SHIT FOR DINNER YOU MOTHER FUCKER I’VE STARED AT YOU ONE TIME TOO MANY I’VE TRIED CALLING YOU TIMES THAT HAVE GROWN TO PLENTY I’M TIRED OF JUST SURVIVING BY NOT EVER DIVING BY NOT EVER INDULGING MYSELF TO THE BETTER MEN OF AN ORCHESTRY I WANT TO WATCH YOU SWALLOW ALL OF MY MISERY I WANT TO WATCH YOU LAP IT UP ORALLY TAKE IT TAKE IT NOW DAMN YOU SURVEY IT SURVEY ALL OF YOUR CRIMES NOW DAMN YOU I SAID TAKE IT! WERE YOU NOT LISTENING YOU FUCKING HALF OF A DICK? ALL IN YOUR MOUTH I HOPE YOU FEEL SICK! ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH IT THAT REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR OF YOUR OWN IMAGE THE SAME MALE I USED TO ELUSIVLEY THINK OF STAYING UP UNTIL DAWN AND QUITE PAST IT YES YOU DAMN YOU! LOOK AT IT I SAID FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!! ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? AS MUCH AS YOU ALWAYS HAVE HAD A THING FOR IT? THAT’S RIGHT YOU’RE GOING TO ADMIT IT AND FOR ONCE SEE YOUR LIGHT TURN ALL THE WAY INTO DARKNESS YES YOUR HIGHNESS I WILL SUBDUE YOUR THRONE AND MAKE ALL OF THE PRIDE AND PURITY INSIDE OF YOU BE DISOWNED!

Late Sunday
Eih well you can see the song after thiz entry listing iz seriously about the mother fucker who basically abandoned me bleh I think itz one hell of a piece of werk tho if I do say so myself ;p I kinda got in the Kittieish mood after talking to Will new Will not old Will so don’t be getting any ideaz all you lifeless hoz out there from my past who go on with nothing better to do then read partz and piecez of Heath’Z journalFUCK YOU!!!! Mrow yesh I am the anger queen bite my ass! ;p well I talked to Christina and her mahn Justin for a bit he’z a majorly awesome guy ;p he got to see Kittie in Nebraska I’m so fucking envious of him! Damnit lol he’z a majorly ckewl dude lol if he weren’t Christina’z mahn and I’d have met him first if he would have felt anything for me I’d have went for him too lmfao he’z kewl great person to have az a friend I can tell that right off the bat heh plus any guy who actually knowz of Kittie and likez hare core music rulez in my mind plus hez cute and good to Christina ;p mrow then I came upstairz out of boredom and started watching the movie Prince Charming the second time it came on majorly awesome movie heh with the prince from Everafter, Christina Applegate and the stepmother from Cinderella eih I went downstairz and guess who called me while I waz upstairz watching the movie? Will bleh damnit I should have known!damnit that really blowz I tried calling him bak but hiz line waz busy eih and plus hez gotta go to werk early tomorrow morning so i dídn't feel like trying to call him again at like around three am since i called at like two thirty and it waz still busy bleh plus I came upstairz to watch Night of the Living Dead but guess what? that channel of Encore that we had free thiz weekend OF COURSE had already expired unlike the otherz go figure the one I'd want to watch would mrow thatz my kind of luck bleh eih everything with Jon, Tabitha, and I haz all gone bak to normal and we're all friendz again I figured that would happen mrow az I stated it waz soap operaish behavior bleh I tried calling Casey tonite but she waz like watching Gilmore Girlz then and she goez to bed early that dong I need to call my counselor later on today and talk about going bak up to Louisville eih everyone in the house excluding Donnie and adding Sherry and either just Cami or Cami and Drew are all going to the moviez I suppose up here in Richmond not sure so many fucking moviez I want to see tho it'll b hard to determine that one I don't go to the moviez every fucking day ya know lol eih anyayz I'm going to post my song get off here and go watch Somewhere in Time I really love thiz movie with Jane Seymour and Christopher Reeve yesh I'm a major movie geek bite my ass again!

laterZ

Sunday afternoon done Heather style ;p
Eih well I got pretty bored after watching the telle for that bit of time that I did and I went bak upstairz and waz going to watch the Borne Identity but my sister took over the telle and we only have one television set that iz hooked up to the satelite bleh so I went bak down to my room of existence and popped in American Beauty God I love that movie! Fucking awesome flick if you have never seen it pick it up NOW lol eih then I went bak upstairz and being az of my mom had gotten off the compuker my sister waz then dominating that piece of machinery so I went and took bak over the telle set lol and like turned on Signz and watched most of that had to get up for like a fifteen minute segment to help my mom string some green beanz to go with our meal we were having and then watched the rest of Signz it waz a pretty good movie not like the greatest horror flick or anything but interesting enough then I ended up eating some green beanz, broccoli casserole, and some mashed potatoes and then watched a few snippetz of You’ve Got Mail I like that movie quite a lot oh fuck I’m missing Prince Charming I’ll probably go up there and watch that at like around ten bleh I then went down to my room after hearing of calling upstairz and getting thiz voice message from thiz cute sounding guy Will who sounded damned interesting and he gave me hiz digitz so I ended up calling and talking to him for like a near four hourz we talked about quite a lot he livez in Lexington he haz blonde hair grayish blue eyez hez six feet tall like around two hundred and fifteen poundz sounded pretty damned hot ;p mrow I kinda have a thing for blonde hair and blue eyez bleh lol I’m a blue/green eye freek ;p bite me ;p Anyayz, it waz kinda sad because he haz the same problem of a past relationship az I do with Don lol and hiz ex’z name waz Heather go figure ;p mrow but yeah we both know that therez no possible way itll ever get better and that we’re better off just not seeing them I know for a fact so but we both still miss our past experiences in the field of the opposite sex I know I do more than anything it hurtz me like fucking crazy at timez bleh but one day I’ll damned well get over it I’m in a much better mood the past couple of dayz minus the migraine I got last night bleh I think those have been coming from my hormonez tho oh and an addition of my scratchy throat and cold symptomz bleh But yeah he sounded like an awesome guy even though we didn’t have the exact same interestz or anything but we did have some thingz in common and I think we hit it off pretty well I used to sit there and feel like thiz when I’d talk to Don ;/ of course then I waz NEVER expecting or hoping to fall in love but yeah I waz hoping to maybe go out and hook up bleh only cause I’d heard that waz what waz wanted out of me bleh If I had heard otherwise I would have never thought of the issue well probably would have but not right off the bat of being boyfriend/girlfriend bleh But that’z all right thingz didn’t werk out and he’z gone better off thiz way I’d say bleh it still hurtz ;/ and I still have feelingz for him because the onez I had were majorly deep thatz why I’m still a bit hurting but in no form or termz about to stop myself from making new friendz shrugZ I don’t feel I should limit myself just because of some stupid pseudo religious freak who never saw me redeeming enough to be their miss right fuck him to hell!

Sunday
Mahn can’t believe I got up like at around eight thirty today lol I’m mega bored out of my mind I watched the Fast and the Furious thiz morning god iz Paul Walker hot drooooolz mmmm heh eih now that iz one fucking awesome movie I love the carz in it old muscle carz are so fucking awesome along with old bikez ;p heh I’d like to have a Vespa hmm I’m just hanging out now listening to Jack off Jill and being bored I’ll probably get online here in a minute and post thiz shit bleh enjoy! Eih now that I’ve finally caught up on my entriez come to think of it I should also post the four songz I wrote in like the last few dayz I wrote them in like a day and a half bleh they probably are fucked but heiy that’z my style! And if you don’t like the way I feel and write go praise the neo nazi who turned me into a male bashing bitch! Enjoy! Ugh I think I’m getting or have a cold bleh thiz suckz

Drifting

You’re the type of guy who only thinks about himself You’re in love with the lake that casts your reflection There’s nothing complex to tell Teeth and hair glisten You’re impressed with financial wealth Your voice threatens To tell my story to others but never tell yours making yourself invisible I’m just a voice of anxiety the one for you settled Useless scrap of metal Hanging around the flesh of my left hands third finger Falling off of me the way a piece of material drops from a hanger

I’m filled with anger I fell in love with you to have you never love me back You never answered When I questioned the situation and why you refused to love me back You make me feel so insecure You manipulated a girl with just a few maneuvers In the closet is the location you shoved her You branded the door with do not enter You had to hide her talent from anyone else’s eyes They’d soon learn the mistake you made by Throwing her away piece by piece Broken down from random species You dilated her eyes Dilapitated the organ of her heart until she lost all emotions to turn her into something called empty You damaged me With your misinterpreted scrutiny You’re a real idiot who’s still hanging on to me by a thread One day your image will shatter and you’ll be released from my head

Amnesia set your sights on me Sighs made out of honey Distancing you from me I just want to forget all about you like you already have done of me You tried to make me feel guilty You tried to make me feel it was all my fault You never could accept responsibility You had a lack of passion You had no capital originality Lie me down to crucifixion You hurt me without using the knife from your kitchen Your mouth was your deadliest of weapons Because it could tell me without even having to look in my direction

Chorus

System of lies Sends me into an outbreak of hives Under six feet two inches of male I dive Nothing left for me to hide You never noticed me crying Tears under my eyelashes sweeping I don’t want you to be the one seeing How much hurt you’ve punched into me Dancing on cobwebs you’ve bound me In your imprisoning cocoon draped around the limbs of me You’re deviously smiling Proud of yourself for influencing me Into your little cult of agony Just one little problem you have my heart but my mind you’re no longer owning

Chorus

A memory a day Keeps the asshole away Door to door Dollar per hour Love any more doesn’t sell for much more I fell in love with you a coward Sissy of a man Falling in love with you was never once my plan I don’t enjoy soaking my feet in failure Crashed and burned When I told you about the affection I had for you You said it would be quick and painless Your made out of granite that’s stainless Shoulders framed in the doorway You look over my head and let your eyes stray Gently down the body of your love object You never gave me enough credit For my pursuit and determinacy of making things happen You never cared Like the words you softly slurred Into the base of my neck Before off you walked Into the shade of another female’s menagerie I was just another girl to add to the collection underlining the stairs Stars in her eyes twinkling As you breathe in her fragrance Lips becoming candit Love falling through the cracks A female personality version of yourself you’re pampering Brushed strokes of black manifesting As you scatter the pieces of my broken heart into the air no longer renewing with each farther measure of drifting

Jabbering

Dating service number one No one ever shuts up They all think they’re going to find love When they’re juveniles who have never felt the sensation of cum I know from experience To keep up your wall of defense Love is just another mechanism You’re speaking to ears that won’t listen Waste your time on another female division Too smart for your lack of wisdom

Jabber jaws Never misses one of her calls Looking down from a building seventy stories tall Little miss know it all I thought about it all I can still recall The first time he professed to care from those thick jaws Jibber jabber In the back is where you stabbed her In the face is where your pain slapped her You never had the capacity it took to want her Inactivation tearing into her Mouths still haven’t shut Gossip running wild about a stupid slut You don’t know the half of it Just what you heard about it Stammer stalling Jabber jawing!

Darkened heart washing up on shore Raven hair on her head never worn She battles daily with young lovers scorn They’re too stupid to realize love is only an adornment They believe her main focal point is torment Let’s keep this private I’m still in love with Júne’s sell out Tongue hanging out Of the mouth of the shocked Disturbing b behavior Cosmetic disaster Fear grabs her Because you’re too shallow to lay eyes on her With love of ever after

Chorus

Jagged edges Shine down easily From the twilight made out of silken violets Do you remember the meaning We left outside when stepping slowly out of the branches Into the dispensing rain You pushed my love to an end You chose a relationship over me your friend You never got the message Because you were too stupid to believe Stroking the temples where your fingers used to massage I can’t get rid of the head ache that clutches me You’ll soon learn to see That love hurts more than just me

Chorus

This is for your own good Choke on your food As you close your lips You refuse to look at sadness Push your away out of it Release from the emptiness It won’t last don’t believe it To made of such simple ness Love is a contagious process’ That will quickly draw you in Wounds on her neck You look past it Because you don’t want to think of it Think of the truth The reality she told you Shedding hair heavily Shredding units terribly I want to see pain in those extremely confident eyes Take control of your lies DO IT DO IT NOW! DO YOU BELIEVE IT DO YOU BELIEVE IN IT NOW! YOU’RE GOING TO REALIZE WHEN YOU BOW DOWN TO THE HEART CAPSIZED YOU LIED TO YOURSELF AND TO ME YOU LOST ALL YOUR PRIDE YOU HAD LOCKED INSIDE THE COMMUNITY OF THE PIECES OF THAT NOW BROKEN HEART IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED TO ME FROM THE START YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THIS MISCONCEPTION YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THIS PAIN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO FACE THE DECEPTION MY LOYALTY TO YOU HAS CRUMBLED DON’T ASK FOR IT IN RETURN ALL THE EMOTION I HAD FOR YOU HAS DISINTEGRATED LOVE FOR A MORTAL IN MY POSSESSION HAS BECOME BURNED!

Love Tool

Flat chested sex love toy taking over a man’s dominance Reducing him to a puppet with manipulated strings I can’t watch it I can’t stand to see it Do you enjoy her mastery You’re such a sniveling baby Reduced to half a man sucking her breast in a nursery You’ve shape shifted tragically The way a sick little female hick can change a man’s possession is scary

Ants in the britches Does she wear the pants for you Apron tied around his waist washing the dishes You’ve become the practical household husband You’ve lost my interest You’re a marionette sailing from the sky without amplitude You’ve lost it You don’t understand why I hate your new attitude You’ll understand it When it starts to dawn on you That you’re no more than a pawn in a dream world Of a massively back water town girl Lie to yourself Keep doing it Deny it to yourself I am no longer bothering to care what happens to your spirit

Marionette come down from the ceiling Sun burnt red and pink patches of skin peeling Head of a male doll reeling He’s finally seeing There’s nothing Nothing special to a flat chest That sticks its head into the desert To hide from all the pain You don’t care about making mistakes Because you’re too stupid and blind to see through That you’re dealing with an amateur who has no idea what she’s telling you I know oh how I do How things go and I don’t want to see it happen to you Desperate changes For something you’ll never understand the logic of its metamorphosis

Chorus

Come down Oh dear Princess Tell him now What you have in store under your lips made out of the material used for pillows Lie to both of yourselves and hide the sorrow Hit person hiding in the shadows You pushed my body into the gallows Clinging to my neck You broke it With one single snap Wings of a molten bat Piercing to underlie themselves attaching to her back She’s a pixy Not a demon She’s sassy Unlike your religious pioneer she’s independent

Chorus

Puppet mistress Wearing the numbers nine plus six To get her age of adolescence All she wants to do is get pregnant Are you willing to have like ten kids Running around your trailer Your lips trailing after her Drool running down the mindless boys chin Happily ever after You think you can grab on to it It doesn’t exist Just like the fake demeanor of happiness Brush, spit, and gargle She’s got you trapped and you don’t even know it Can you handle the disposition of it Lying next to someone forever who is that controlling The beast called me a witch She has no room to talk so I do nothing but laugh over it I’ve learned from experience You can’t trust anyone at their own convenience Love you make me no even want to think about it Unattractive lips You listen to them As they bite the feeders hand But you never let the ideas expand To that closed, clouded mind of yours Had me in years For so long I almost decided to jump off the pier Wisdom came with time To show me I’d never want a mortal to become mine Too unstable of a creature To satisfy a mystical seizure

Sun-Dried

What did you think this was Seize and claim? You believed it was Love is an emotion you do your best to drain You beat her out of injustice You don’t let yourself love her because it involves too much pain You attack me from not giving you subservience Humans kill me by just saying your name Drinking and running away under the influence I can’t stand the taste The pressure of your reference Leaves behind in my small mouth Sold myself off at clearance Thinking a soul mate is what I had found

Kill her intuition You killed every other part made feminine You threw me into this disposition Of being under the rule of your thumb I’m so stupid I’m so dumb To actually think I could do it And receive your love You lied to me from the get go Flailing and falling You let go When I screamed for you to help me Nothing ever mattered when it came to being with me You never saw me as anything But an escape from your condition of living ludicrously

What do you think this is There was only one reason for your resisting It was the instance Of my form not being good enough to fit the title expensively Of surrendering myself as your princess I was just a good target for practice Don’t tell me I’m jealous Of your new bride Envy doesn’t fill my eyes No it’s the hatred for you of how much I despise That underlies the discrepancy in them Yes I undergo bitterness But you’re the one who pushed me through this

Chorus

Indecency Drips from you Insensitivity Pours from the lips of you Insanity Makes up the rest of you I no longer care about you Wait that’s lying on my part I still do think of you I end up hating myself every time I do But I can’t stop it The issue you’re avoiding we always dropped it I can’t let it go No, no, no Not this time I’m afraid You’re going to have to say the truth and it can’t wait

Chorus

Asshole in disguise Your head is full of lies You don’t know it Because you’ve become so used to it Being your number one routine That you began to believe it Your ugliness I just can’t believe It’s a particle below the surface of you I just don’t want to see But I see it I know all about it I can grasp it With my bare white teeth I never knew you had it in you And the day we came to meet Is something I dearly wish I could delete Out of the system That pertains to our existence Out of the universe That disperses comfort Out of the environment That holds our every single fragment I thought I could control this But you proved to me that I could never contain this No matter how hard I tried You were certainly content with making every single particle of me die Deceased in your eyes Is where I now lie I no longer remain to care with my insides You eventually made it not worth the value Like the sun dispenses the water of the ocean you made my affection sun dried

Satorday
Today haz kind of sucked mom waz in a bad bitchy mood all day long and basically just tore into me bleh The family excluding me and Donnie yet adding Sherry and her family went to the Winchester drive in to see some movie I was incredibly sick of putting up with my momz attitude so I just stayed at home plus I waz still a bit depressed and out of it from missing the bastard and then having lost one of my greatest guy friendz the day before that bleh life suckz but then again it haz to go on I’m not going to worry over shit any more. I started making a bunch of new goth/freak friendz today I met two awesome girlz from Kentucky. Ashley livez here in Richmond GOD iz she a fucking hot gothic chick I’d love to kiss that girl plus she knowz Jack off Jill so thatz pretty awesome lol shez very unique even haz an imaginary friend ;p I like her already ;p Then I met Amanda she’z from Ashland where my grandparentz used to live shez mega fucking awesome too and really cute I’d like to kiss her too ;p she can skateboard now that really fucking impressed me I have never met a girl skater I liked that ;p eih shez in to really hard core bandz I introduced her to Jack off Jill heh ;p she told me about thiz band Mest I’m going to have to get some of their stuff let’z see talked to thiz kewl guy whoz in to anime who livez here in Kentucky again last night too not my first time talking to him called that guy Aaron who had been talking shit about my sister the day before he can supposedly purr and haz green eyez but I’m betting he’z bluffing about being able to purr but I dunno he had a pretty sexy voice but a FUCKED voice mail message lol Let’z see here talked to my mammie and pop again last night pop waz doing a lot better I waz glad of that they want me to come over there and see them popz my donut hound heh we’re going to go pick some food up from somewhere and eat together probably in the next few dayz god they rule ;p I’m extremely glad they moved down here to Richmond I still think it’s funny that they moved like on the same street az Josh tho lmfao I still laugh at that ;p yesh I’m crazy so what bite me! Heh mrow uhm I talked to Jenni tonight she gave me the track listingz for Evanessencez promo I went and dled part of the song Missing and ugh she waz right definite great torture for me over the dumbass who introduced me to them Rvanessence wrote basically about our situation bleh fuck it all I’m going to go take some Tylenol pmz and sleep I’ve got a major migraine bleh

laterZ =^. .^= mrowww

Why Me?
Well this has been another crappy day I’ve had so much bull shit of dramatics go on that it’s about to make my head just blow off bleh It all started out with Jon and his little blow up doll girl again We had this major disruption because I was telling him how I just can’t see the possibility of two people like that having things work out and have happily ever after result from it and he just bit my head off and called me a bitch and his little blow up doll girlfriend called me a witch lmfao yes I am a natural born witch granted Hell Í finally just ended up blocking both of them because I couldn’t take on the pressure of having to deal witht their Days of our Lives soap opera daily get togethers I mean really I was in love like that before and I can say from experience it doesn’t work, it doesn’t lead to anything but heart ache and then I realized you know what I don’t even think Jon’s ever really even been in true love before like deep, nerve wracking, un defineable love you know what I mean? Because he was supposedly so in love with that girl Emyrs but you know what? If he loved her so much then he would have NEVER of just gone off looking for a new girlfriend a few weeks later after that you know what I mean? It’s been over two months since Don told me he had his new little girlfriend and almost a month since the last time we talked but there is in no way of terms that I am looking for a new boyfriend at this moment. Because to be quite honest as much as I hate to be, I still haven’t gotten over him and I still haven’t fell out of love with him. Granted I really don’t want to have anything to do with him or any contact with him at the moment but still I am in no means ready to be putting myself in a new relationship and going through the bull shit of that all I am still yet just looking to meet and make new friends guy and girl wise. I had phone sex again tonight with Scott lol only tonight we got online and he did a nice little web cam show for me of jacking off Pretty hot if I do say so myself lol God I love the way he purrz it iz so fucking sexy Eih but before that I had another little episode of drama too thiz dumbass guy waz trying to sit there and tell me that my purer than snow sister had had sex before and I know that’z BULL SHIT! She has NEVER involved herself in any type of sexual activity she has never even kissed a boy. That guy had to of been thinking of someone else! He gave me hiz phone number ha ha bleh such a hysterical day I talked to my mammie and pop today I’m a bit worried over my pop he went to the doctor and didn’t have such good resultz one of hiz anklez iz badly swollen and they put him on some type of water pillz I’m guessing a diuretic like I used to be on for my hormonez god those thingz make me sick bleh I hate medicationz but yeah we talked for a good while I love my grandparentz a hell of a lot.

Meeting with my new Counselor
Well I went and met with my new counselor Jennifer Sawyer today, she took over my case from Brenda Eadens on the day I left my evaluation at Louisville which was June the twenty fifth. Let’s see she’s incredibly young compared to the other counselorz I have seen which was pretty interesting she’z only twenty four I thought that was pretty kewl heh We went and just basically talked about my future planz and were talking about either going for training bak up at the McDowell center or in Colorado at their center for the blind which place it will be I don’t know yet. I’m kind of having hopes for both I want to go to Louisville so I can room with Casey again because she’s going to be up there on the eleventh of next month. Plus, I’m already acquainted with the Mcdowell center and am used to it and the instructorz and know the feeling of it even tho it can get boring, but if Casey’z up there it’d be a blast! Ohhhh mahn Casey told me tonight one of her guy friendz thought I waz hot yeah relight I’m an ugly little slut hmm but then yeah I’m kind of hoping for Colorado too because it would be an interesting experience I’ve never been to Colorado and have always wanted to go but eih if it doesn’t happen it doesn’t happen bleh I had a major soap opera fiasco go on again with Jon and Tabitha they think that they are the "perfect"couple and that they are so much in love when they haven’t even met each other! I mean god I can see that they think they’re in love and that thingz could werk out but I just don’t see building your whole life around someone you haven’t even met and have no idea what the outcome will be like when you actually do meet. I mean I can see having a great friend that you’ve never met but being in love with someone like that it usually just doesn’t turn out for the best I know from experience. But yeah we got into it because Jon has been acting entirely too much like his girlfriend lately and I called her his flat chested love sex toy hell I could have said a hell of a lot worse if I didn’t like her or hate her but damn it waz just so fucking stupid and I about lost my friendship with Jon over it nice to see who your real friends are when it comes down to it huh?

Interesting Weirdness
Well I was talking to Casey tonight somehow I don’t know how but she was like asking me after I said I’d had phone sex a couple nights ago if it was with Jonathen I was like wtf? Lol noooo not with Jonathen I’m just wondering did she find out about us getting it on that one night in the tv room? Lmfao eih they’ve probably been talking about me those dongz ;p eih as if I care if she knows or not he’s the one who didn’t want her to find out but fuck who cares lol it was just friendly casual sex nothing more nothing less we were horny and basically ending some sexual frustration bleh Okay don’t get the idea or feeling just because I sometimes sleep with extremely good friends of mine that I will or will not sleep with you I’m not the sleep around type I don’t usually take sex too lightly It just sometimes happens on various occasions with people I feel comfortable enough to have it happen with and that was one of those times shrugZ Honestly though any more I’m looking for more than just a physical relationship I want to be with someone who is not only great in that capacity but is also very intellectual and into the classic works of authors such as Shakespeare and Byron

Fiftieth
Well even though thanks to last night lmfao I didn’t go to bed ;p But today waz my grandparentz fiftieth anniversary can you believe that one? I have decided that I will probably never be getting married ever I just don’t see a point to it. Eih their party was all right I kind of felt left out being around my dad and everyone who do not include me in their little ciculet of a life bleh We went over to the dining area of Natural Bridge that like restaurant thing inside of it and ate at the buffet. I rode over there with my mammie and pop they were arguing the whole way up there and here I thought it would be better to ride with them and not have to hear Amber and Becky’s bickering lol it would have been bad either way but a bit better definitely with mammie and pop. Lmfao pop got me to die laughing at the stuff he was saying about where we were going he like called the place he thought we were going the slump and dump and i couldn’t stop laughing at that one ;p My pop is majorly silly like me and we’re majorly alike that’s probably why we get along so damned well. We’re both majorly cynical, negative people who enjoy complaining and hate most of the world ;p Eih anyayz we got there and I ate like catfish and stuff and then we like just sat around talking and they were all telling storiez leaving me out of course and then when I told them about Beckyz driving I got torn into of course! I’m just so sick of peoplez attitudez I came home and basically talked to Christina she found out that she fractured her foot the other night at Lake Reba when she fell I feel majorly bad for her and we just sat there talking about our problemz so sick of the world and so sick of being alone mom and I majorly got into it later she never wantz to take responsibility for her mistakez of the past and it really makez me angry she never wantz to take responsibility upon herself for anything shez a major coward who enjoyz lying because I guess she has the truth basically burned into her brain that it iz the truth instead of a lie sighZ I just give up on thingz if you know what I mean

What I've Reduced Myself To
Well I haven’t been doing any really hard core drugz for a pretty long time now so I have reduced to the fraction of a shell of a female who does whatever she can to forget the bastard she iz still in love with. I had amazingly hard core phone sex tonight eih I can’t help it thiz guy iz extremely fucking hot we’ve been talking off and on for like two yearz now since I started going on that date line. Eih the way he got to me at all iz the fact he can ACTUALLY purr the last guy I got that out of was Thomas I miss him he waz a sweetheart. Mahn though I seriously had no idea you could get that good of masturbation lmfao yeah I waz really schmacking it lmfao mmm it felt extremely good but I’ve been pretty depressed lately bleh

sign

STUDENTS DRINKING You're a novelty sign. You like to joke around,
and most likely are one of the intoxicated
college students, this sign is talking about.
You're the life of the party, and when you're
around, everyone has a good laugh.

What's Your Sign?
brought to you by Quizilla

mrow

You're A Neko (Cat)! Meow! You love acting like a cat, because you ARE
part cat! How did this come to be? I have no
idea! But yay for you! You're playful and
happy. You love being spoiled and pampered,
but you have a vicious side too.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

mrow

You're A Neko (Cat)! Meow! You love acting like a cat, because you ARE
part cat! How did this come to be? I have no
idea! But yay for you! You're playful and
happy. You love being spoiled and pampered,
but you have a vicious side too.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Path of Torture

Three weeks that feel more like a thousand days I begged you more than once to please stay You never listened to one single word I had to say I lost my mind to your invasion Broke my train of thought as I threw against your door my favorite vase You never cared in the first case I want to hurl language at you that will smash the smile right off your face Dead of winter marks her hearts place Come on in you’ve already sucked away her impassive grace Walk away Zip up your pants, turn around and just walk away You think I’m a hostile waste But you know what mister master of the universe you made me this way

You thought you knew her so incredibly well You thought you’d hold her forever under your sacred spell Dispensed the poison in her mouth you were the one to feed Sewed the scars up that you forced her to bleed She feels the need To combine your name with hatred Forcefulness of the moon impaled She still can’t get it through your thickened head How much her affection has lessened You taught me the most valuable lesson How to dread the demon Who takes away all freedom And possesses the heart in the form of the word relationship Daily head trip Is a destination my feet will no longer venture Just because of the feeling that I need it I now know thanks to your disgression they only lead to the path of torture

Cauterize the wound of failure Lay beneath the forest of spiders Laid down beside her For only a brief time limit until the right moment fell For you to have the chance to escape her Lose her before you lose yourself You know what she feels for you now here by and ever after? By her You are now fully unwelcome Don’t come near her Constant paranoia of love has developed Are you proud of yourself for convincing her Showing her that the display of emotions and affection is not allowed?

Chorus

False words underlie a tunnel A masquerade of darkness She turns on the music television network channel Strains her eyes and licks the back of her teeth’s enamel You’re not there to argue with So she makes up words and moves her lips In a motion of silence Just thinking about you sends her into a conspiracy of chills Why’d you leave her like this with ten million other things She has with to deal You never cared about her appropriately You left her after she spoke the word love immediately

Chorus

Will you always fall into this category This stereotypical train of thought I have for the male allegory I’m not listening to your story I gave you enough chances in past history You never once admitted to me You had the nerve to lie to me You always fell into a code of dishonesty For this I hate you honestly I want to watch you cry hypnotically I want to watch you fall preposterously You have a problem chronically With telling the truth alphabetically I no longer have any sympathy Left hinged inside of me To feel for the way you reacted with me I just want to watch you walk away from me I’m waiting Distantly waiting For the mound of flesh carved beneath my eyes to stop debating Whether or not to tear away every limb of your being The ones that had the gall to be so poor in judging That I wasn’t good enough for your majesty When you looked at nothing but the outer appearance of my lacking beauty You failed to enter the mind of patience with me You failed so miserably You had a fake field of confidence that surrounded you invisibly Deep down you suck just as much as me You’ll never accept it Because you’re just too essentially conceited